Saturday, July 16, 2011

Hi Kristen!

Kristen left me this message on my last post and I wanted to offer some words here:

"I've been visiting your blog for awhile for inspiration because my husband and I are beginning the domestic adoption journey. We both feel strongly about adoption, however, doubts have started to creep in recently. Will the child be hurt or maladjusted when they are older? Should we be trying harder for another biological child through ivf, as we clearly were able to conceive our 8 year old with no problem? I could drive myself crazy with all the questioning, so I'm trying to keep my eyes on the path. Wondering if you have any perspective on all this?"

I had so many doubts and concerns going into the adoption process. I wondered many of the same questions. Thankfully I had straight words and wonderful encouragment for those around me.

One friend told us straight up, "Adoption is a ministry. It is not the same as building a family." Adopted children will struggle with their adoptions. It is a loss and it needs to be grieved and processed by a child. If they are a different race than you, they will face challenges that will be new to you. They may have disabilities and exposures that are not disclosed by the birth mom but will affect their lives significantly. The rules are different. Relationships are different. Parenting will look different. You will be different.

I am different. I wouldn't trade our adoption experience for anything. It has stretched and grown our hearts and families (and church and neighborhood) in unique ways. We are more tender, sensitive and aware of so many hard and beautiful aspects of life that were not even on our radar five years ago. I'd love to adopt again.

I think the biggest tradgedy is a child being separated from its mother. I cry every time I watch the Land Before Time. So the thought of being the one who separates a child from her mother was breaking my heart. But my cousin reminded me that God chooses our children. I was meant to be my girls' mother. They were separated from their mother until the day we met. :)

The reality is there are women who are making adoption plans for their children. There is need for families willing to give these children homes. Sometimes it can feel like a competition or like you're trying to "sell yourself" but you are putting your family out there to be available and give these women a choice. Plus the dollars you spent on adoption puts advertising in front of women facing unexpected pregnancies. They may decide to parent their child in the end but a life has been saved. That's worth every penny!

Our children are a gift from God. We never know how much time we have with each one. We hold each one tenderly for the time we have them and prepare to release them when the time comes. Whether it be through tragedy, marriage, military, or going to build a relationship with their birth families. We will treasure the time we have.

I hope this helps. I have receive so much inspiration, encouragment and reality checks from Urban Servant, His Hands and Feet Today, Days of Wonder and Grace and from John Piper's sermon about adoption and one more from John Piper.


Kristen said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your response gave me a lot of encouragement. I know that this path is unique to all who choose to go down it, but so much of what you wrote resounds with me. To have people walk alongside and give perspective and encouragement is priceless! I will check out the other resources you mentioned, as well. I appreciate your response so much!

Aimee said...

Your family is beautiful, and I love to read your encouragement to others about adoption. Having built our family through both birth and adoption, we know children can struggle with their own issues either way, but they all need a family to see them through it. God bless!

G. HUBBARD said...

adopted children face real daily life questions our free SPREAD THE WORD TALK WITH THE LORD program inspires daily talks catch they need your help with first question our blogs help g hubbard po box 2232 ponte vedra fl 32004